Greg rested his head back, he breathed deeply down again and swallowed hard, he lock his hands together he has lost count of how many time he has done that, it was dark everywhere but he doesn’t care what the time is, he has untouched drinks in front of him, he has asked the bar lady to give him five bottles of any hard drink, and the alcohol percentage should be high, because that’s what he wanted to do tonight, get high and forget he ever has worries, he has taken only two out of the five bottles and couldn’t go further, he was not use to drinking and this is his first time in many years tasting alcohol, he has hated any drink that has alcohol in it, and also hated the smell off it, but tonight he has drove right down to the hidden bar, where he won’t be easily seen.
He has pastored shepherd house church for years, ever since he turns thirty, and now he is thirty nine.
The church is growing, he was held in high esteem by his member, after every service people always line up to see pastor Greg, he speaks and council them but at the end when he returns home is always terrible, his life was becoming a mess, there use to be a time he begged God to take his life.
He was tired of living, how can he be a hypocrite, he appeared all nice in front of the church every Sunday, give them a life changing sermon, and counsel those who needed counselling, pray for those who needs prayer and encourage those who needs encouragement, but who helps him when he needs to be counselled, encouraged, prayed for and also talk to, nobody, is always him and God, and everyone thinks his life is so perfect, he has no trouble, but his trouble was as deep as the blue sea, nobody to rescue him out of it.
Sometimes, he locks himself up and cry out to God with tears rolling down his eyes, he was tired of pastoring, he felt unworthy, he was tired of pretending, he was tired of smiling and laughing with people when deep down he was broken, he was sad.
He wondered how God chose to deal with him this way, he seek for his own answer but he tried not to question God, he was tired of pretending, tired of life it self.
The sales lady brought back his attention to the present.
“Sir, we are closing , is almost eleven o’clock, I want to lock up, aaah…you have not even finished your drink, you still have three bottles here, and they are not cold again, you would have said you wanted only two bottles instead of asking for five and end up taking two…and a customer was asking us for this drink and we told him that we have ran out of stock, but we will restock tomorrow, and you are here with three unopened bottle sitting right in front of you…please stand up and go…
Greg looked at the lady who was angrily speaking to him, he has wanted to drink to stupor but after the first and second bottle he knows he can’t go further or he will throw up the ones he has taking… “I will pay for the five bottles, you can sell the untouched ones if you want or you can do whatever with it, can I still stay a little while here, I don’t feel like going home now…
I hate home…I just hate it… “why, is it not from there you came from, as fine as you are what is pursuing you from your home, anyway that’s not my problem, but you really need to leave…go to a hotel and sleep if you don’t want to go home, there’s a hotel down the road, not far from here, I can even arrange girls for you, who will keep you company through out the night, a beautiful clean girls, should I call her…
“I am a pastor, I am married, i don’t even suppose to be here or found in a hotel, I suppose to live by example, being here only means that life was dealing with me unfairly, the woman I married is my pain, she is the puzzle God gave me to solve.
I don’t even know how to go about it, I don’t…I really don’t….i wish I do.
I can’t be violent, I can’t use harsh word, I can’t even divorce because I am a pastor, yes, you see why I am in the middle of a deep blue sea, I am lost but I try to find others and direct them to the right direction but nobody knows my hidden pain and those unspoken words, even if they do they will not understand, here is your money for the drinks, I will go home anyway, there’s no hiding place for me, I can’t keep running from my problem, if I die in fighting this sadness then let it be so, I am so tired of living a saddened life.
I just don’t know what to do or how to pray anymore.
Greg paid the young lady, he checked his pocket for his car keys, he stood and fell back into the cushion chair again, the alcohol was taking a hard effect on him.
The bar lady watch him and felt pity for him, she has seen some men take eight and ten bottles of alcoholic drinks and yet nothing happens to them, but just two bottles and the handsome, tall, black man who was unfortunately a pastor and also married, who by her guise will be in his late thirties, he has a wedding ring on, and will not give somebody like her a second look, not just her but any lady.
He will see them as a devil he has to rebuke, she wish he wasn’t a pastor or even married, at least she would have love to keep him company tonight, she has being watching him as he sat here, he was not comfortable, he seem like something was tormenting him, she has asked other of her colleagues to go that she will wait for the man to finish his drink, this was her first time of seeing Greg, she has admired him from afar, unlike her but she has picked interest in him, but still have to wave it off and see him as one of those new customers that comes to drink and go but there was something about him, it was almost 11pm and she needed to close, she has wished to stay and just stare at the handsome man who seem to be in some sort of struggle. She helped him to stand and guide him to his blue Toyota jeep parked outside.
“My name is Fiona, anytime you come around you can ask of me, I am always here.
That’s if you decides to come around again, hope you can drive in this your condition, I wish I can drive I would have helped you, I hope you will not have accident on your way…if you can’t go just come over to my side, and leave when you are fit to go, my place is a bus away from here.
“Thanks for your kindness, I will manage and drive home, good night.
Greg starts his car, and drove off leaving Fiona standing, Fiona was wishing he will change his mind but Greg was gone.
OMINI ABIODUN MICHAEL [a.k.a] BANKEY MILL (BM) is a blogger and the CEO of Aschoolz.com. We Share Education School News of Universities, Polytechnics, Colleges for both Nigeria Schools, Ghana Schools and American Etc like JAMB, Waec, Scholarship, Job opportunity, Learning, Story books and Blog etc